Vintage Uniforms
Galley Giggles
Overheard on Flights
Here's your chance to be a fly on the wall...
Flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
Once when Muhammed Ali was flying, the stewardess came over and asked him to fasten his seatbelt. Ali told the stewardess, "Superman don't need no seatbelt". The stewardess replied, "Champ, Superman don't need no plane".
How can you tell you are having dinner at a pilot's house? He's the one putting the plates on the floor at the end of the meal.
What is the difference between an Airbus A-320, and a Black & Decker chain saw? About 320 trees a minute.
How many captains does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, he holds the bulb, and the world revolves around him.
Over heard during a safety demonstration: "There may be fifty ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways outta this airplane so you better pay attention!"
Before the no-smoking announcement: "This is a nonsmoking flight. If you must smoke, please ring your attendant-call bell and one of us will escort you out to the wing."
After the no-smoking announcement: "Any passenger caught smoking the lavoratories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.
Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.
After landing: Thank you for flying Delta. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. Whoa!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide quickly which one you love more."
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines."
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
"Last one off the plane must clean it."
From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight."
This was overheard on an American Airlines flight on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
An airline pilot had hammered his plane into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a, "Thanks for flying with us". He said that in light of the bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, did we land or were we shot down?"
Cabin Attendant makes the following chatter to the passengers: "Ladies andgentleman... we will be landing at Walfish Bay Airport soon. It might be interesting to know, that while the airport is 12 miles inland, it is exactly at sea level." A few minutes later the Pilot SLAMS the aircraft down on the runway, and is heard to mutter over the PA: Damn! Did not realise sea level was THAT high..."
Rohan Rossouw
